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Abortion Regret, Trauma, and Healing

Adriana's Story
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Jenn's Story
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Serena's Story
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Sylvia's Story
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Ashley's Story
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Tori's Story
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Susan's Story
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The Reality of Abortion Regret, Trauma, and Healing

Read the groundbreaking investigative report that presents how men, women, and children are impacted by abortion - physically, emotionally, and mentally. The report debunks prevalent misinformation and shares a path forward for post-abortive individuals.

We #CantStaySilent

Terri

I was in college, excited to be free and on my own. I met the man of my young dreams, and we dated for four years. Then, one day, I found myself pregnant and scared. A baby was not in my plans for college, fun, or freedom. Because my boyfriend didn’t want children, he suggested abortion. I started believing the lies in my head: an abortion probably is the best option because you don’t want to embarrass your family. No one ever has to know, and since it’s legal, how could it be so wrong?

Sadona

As I was laying on the table, it was cold, quiet, then I hear[d] this suction machine. I felt like my body was being ripped out from the inside. It was horrific[.] After a few minutes it was quiet. I believe the nurse took the torn parts and wrapped them in a plastic bag, and I heard it drop on the bottom of a metal trash can. … I was immediately convicted that I just made the worst mistake of my life. I would have done anything to put the baby back inside me… it was too late, I felt I murdered my own flesh and blood. I was devastated and became suicidal. I was filled with so much guilt and shame I couldn’t deal with it at that point. I had nowhere to turn, it was my secret.
I worked with a guy that I knew used drugs. I knew I could OD easily from cocaine. Then no one would know it was suicide…

Carol

After 46 years it is still a vivid memory, lying on a cold table in a heartless room. A room where my child died as well as my inner self. … I realized I had done something awful – after that I could do nothing right. I partied hard to forget, was promiscuous, used drugs and alcohol. … The self-loathing brought me to a world of darkness. A world where love was an obsolete word and hate was the name of the game. I deserved punishment and found someone to help me in this goal. My self worth had deteriorated. I gained weight, stopped wearing make-up and did not care what I wore. My husband abused me and I deserved his abuse.

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Marie

A few months later I attempted suicide with sleeping pills. But I didn’t die; I just got sick. I attempted suicide again, this time by cutting my wrists with a razor blade. Again, I survived. After months of feeling like I was in a black hole, I attempted suicide a third time. I made the cuts lengthwise into the arteries in my wrists. I remember seeing blood spurting out of my arm but not feeling anything. This time I almost died.

Becky

The abortion I had when I was just 19 really has ruined the rest of my life. Once upon a time I thought it might get better over time and maybe I might heal. I have not healed at all. It has been 15 years and I am as sad and depress[ed] and despondent about the entire situation as I have ever been.

Charlotte

It took me ten years to repent of my abortion. During that traumatic decade … my first denial stage quickly evolved into unexpressed grief and then into a deep pit of depression and crippling shame. Because my abortion was a secret to everyone except my husband, a cluster of normal human emotions began to freeze up inside of me, isolating me emotionally and psychologically from my family and friends.

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Karen

I am 55 years old. My mother is 83 and facing her end of life [sic]. I am sad every day that we could not have had a close relationship because of my feelings of resentment towards her for making me have those abortions. I think of this daily. I’m an only child[,] and on the surface we have had the appearance of a close relationship, however secretly, I’ve resented her so much. Sometimes I could even say I felt hatred, I was so angry. Any feelings of happiness between us feel “fake” or forced for the benefit of others. It’s a shame, a waste, such a sad loss of what could have been a loving relationship. But how can a daughter love a mother who forces her to kill her baby, her own grandchild?

Robin

I lived my life hanging on by a thread. It was not the thread of His garment because I no longer felt like I deserved to live as a Christian or call God my Heavenly Father. I had lost that privilege with my decision to abort my child. … You see[,] I deserved every terrible thing I got[,] because I had done the ultimate sin[,] one that God would never forgive.

Lori

Though my child went through a physical death, I went through an emotional death that was just as sudden and unsuspecting. The years that followed were a downhill spiral, until I met the Healer. Now, instead of mourning over the loss, I know that one day there will be a marvelous human who shares my genetics waiting for me on the other side. Memories of that experience still grip my heart and bring me to tears because choices have consequences. I am being held by the One who holds my child and only because of His mercy will our lives mesh together again … in a place that is immeasurably safer than a mother’s womb.

Joi

By humbling myself, submitting my hurt, guilt, shame, and self-condemnation to God ... I can stand here today and say that God has forgiven me! God has delivered me! God has set me free! God can now use my testimony of His great healing and restoration to help others in need, as Luke 4:18 says, “… to heal the brokenhearted and to set the captives free…”

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Kim

I married the live of my life and have been married over 25 years. I have 3 beautiful children that are happy and healthy - and I think about what could have been their older sibling often. I didn’t want my family or friends to think I was getting married because of circumstance. I didn’t want my work to think I was irresponsible and lose a sponsorship of my master’s degree. I was selfish and I’ve had to live with that because I chose myself. I acknowledge that choice and my failure and it is not something you walk away from without regret.

Michelle

I was 15. Yes, 15 years old and I now pray for our son or daughter in reparation every day! I was so afraid at that time and am so sorry now. I lived in another country and Sadly. It was so easy to have the Abortion of our little preborn child. I regret my Abortion more than any sin I have ever committed. God is so Merciful and I learn in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that He is Faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength. I thank Him so much. I now have Spiritualky Adopted several babies over the years, my Husband and I, who are in danger of Abortion. If you have had am Abortion, please consider attending a Rachel's Vineyard Retreat! Beautiful time of healing!!!

Amanda

I had an abortion 27 years ago when I was 15. I was lied to at the abortion clinic and misinformed. I immediately regretted the decision and went into a deep depression. I no longer wanted to live. Thank goodness for the love and grace of God who shortly after I decided to give my life to. If it wasn’t for God I don’t think I could have lived with what I had done. However 27 years later my heart still aches for my baby and what I did. It’s a regret that never goes away. I still remember my due date and imagine what my child would be doing now. It’s a pain I would never wish on anyone.

Tina

I watched my daughter suffer for yrs over her regret of killing another person that should have been protected. My daughter was able to obtain an abortion at 16 yrs. old without my permission and no counseling or anything wtf does that. I watched her for yrs drinking until puking, pills to dull The pain, drugs to try and forget. It's still a daily struggle for her. For me my heart breaks knowing my first grandchild is with God.

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April

I had three abortions within a timespan of two years. I was age 18 when I had the first, 19 the second, and 20 for the third. God gave me three more children after that. Healthy, beautiful children. However, I have struggled with relational issues and mental/emotional health, and spiritual impacts as well, for many years. I regret my abortions and did almost immediately after each one but my regret manifested in different self sabotaging behaviors. It was after the third abortion that I felt in my heart I could never do it again. I got pregnant again out of wedlock just a little over a year after my third abortion and went home from college to my mom and dad and kept that baby. God helped bring me healing by making me a mother.. Much more to my story and I am still healing and still struggle with self hate at times. But God...

Linn

I am a survivor of domestic violence, when I left he took my 3 children. I was depressed and lost at the time and turned to drugs and sex. I ended up getting pregnant twice and had two abortions. God saved me and I got clean and ended up finding the love of my life and got married and had a beautiful baby girl. However the 2 abortions will always and forever haunt me. I have PTSD from the abuse and abortions. I know God has forgiven me but I have not forgiven myself for the children that could have been. I regret those abortions and have to live with it every single day. I am now a huge voice in my children's life about how wrong abortion is and it doesn't solve anything EVER. When I went into Planned Parenthood for the pill abortion, I was told that I would pass 'tissue' and have some cramping. That was a lie, I passed a whole baby in a sac. I will never forget that image. The second time I had an abortion I was 5 months pregnant and had to have the surgical. They never once asked me if I was being forced to have the abortion (which I was), they never told me what they were doing, I even said 'I dont want to do this' while crying uncontrollably, you know what they told me, 'Shut up, it will be over real fast so shut up already everyone can hear you'. I will never forget the sound of the murder of my child. I did ask for the ultra sound images later but Planned Parenthood refused. I would do anything just to see them again. I won't stay silent against abortions and I won't stay silent for the crimes of Planned Parenthood.

Mary

I was in a vulnerable place in my life, but I thought my boyfriend and I could make it together. He said he didn't want to be a dad again. He said having an abortion wouldn't change anything between us. He left me 6 weeks after. I have ptsd from it. I have nightmares. I almost can't function around the dates of abortion and birthday. I fixate on if it was a boy or girl. I hate the sound of a vacuum. I spend at least 10mins a day praying for forgiveness. I've contemplated suicide. I can never share with loved ones, because they were why I wasn't safe to say I wanted to keep the baby. I will never be the same.

Emily

I had two abortions at the age of 18. These abortions lead me down a path of horrible shame, regret, and resentment of myself and the lies I believed about the humanity of my babies. 12 years later, I still feel pain. I still cry myself to sleep at night. I live every single day with the pain of my choices. I have touched their faces, ran my fingers through their hair, and seen the color of their eyes in my dreams. I have talked to them and held them. Then, I wake up to find that it was just a dream. I will never get to know them in this life. I will never watch them grow up and grow old. I will never get to watch them enjoy the wonder and beauty of this life. I cling to God and the hope that I will one day get to be with them again and tell them how very sorry I am for what I did. Our children deserve better than a death sentence. Women deserve better than a lifetime of regret and blood on their hands.

Jill

I had an abortion when I was 19 years old. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I cried the whole way there and the whole time I was there. I think I was about 10 weeks pregnant because they made me wait a month from the time I found out I was pregnant because of my low body weight. I remember going in to see the counselor before my procedure and I was still hysterical. She looked at me and said, 'It's nothing.'' I continued to cry into the procedure room and one of the assistants screamed at me, 'Stop crying or we can't do the procedure.' It was literally one of the worst days of my life. Today, I know that it is not 'nothing.' I feel a deep sense of pain and regret over my decision. I am not in my second year of law school and plan to use my law degree to join the fight to protect both woman and their babies from the lies, harm, and destruction of abortion.

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Jaymee

17 and pregnant. Told my mom. “What are you going to do about it?” Boyfriend want me to abort. Somehow I thought an abortion would be easier than wondering about how the child was, if he/she was loved/happy/cared for. So wrong. Told the nurse I didn’t want an abortion. Doctor came in and told me not to ruin my life. I did it. I killed my baby. I sank into a deep depression and cried for months, wanting to die. Finally saw a psychiatrist. It took me years to be able to accept forgiveness. I have regretted that abortion every day for the last 47 years.

Diane

My beautiful daughter was a teen, about 17 years old. She had been seeing a boy her own age, maybe a little older, and became pregnant. His mother, behind my back, encouraged my daughter to have an abortion. I tried and tried to talk her out of it, offering support to my child, but the boy's mother took my child across the state line to Granite City, and made her get an abortion (while I was at work). Years later, my daughter became extremely depressed, and when she was 24 years old, she overdosed on Tylenol. She passed away, and I know, as kind and loving as she was, the abortion tore her up. I later found out the reason the boy's mother insisted on the abortion was so that her son never had to pay child support.

Sally

I am a 65 yr old female that made the wrong decision of having an abortion when I was 23...till this day this decision has haunted me & probably will until I am six feet under. I made the decision for selfish reasons. I had a 7 yr old child, divorced & in a relationship when I found out I was pregnant. I worked full time in a good job & all I could think of was, I cannot have a baby in my life at this time. I was scared, what would people think, how would I afford day care, etc. Like I said, selfish reasons. I have hid this for so many years. It makes me sick to even think of what I did to that innocent baby, My Baby ! Then I tried to convince myself that it was the right thing, the father of this baby was a very abusive man & alcoholic (that's another story to tell but not here) I made one of the biggest mistakes in my life, giving up that baby. I was part of making that baby, & I destroyed it and me ! I ask God every day to forgive me for what I had done. Yes I am a religious person and always have been & yes I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway !!!!

Patty

I had an abortion around 19 years old, I had a baby born before that and was determined I couldn’t do it again so I chose to abort the child. I thought it would solve all my problems . What a tragedy, a horrible choice! I was so depressed afterwards but pushed it way deep inside and was in denial for years. I was set free in an post abortion Bible study of which I am a facilitator now. Jesus has set me free!

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Bobby Jo

I got pregnant when I was 17 or 18 years old. The father and I (who I later married) decided we would keep the baby and get married. My mother had a fit, and convinced me to have an abortion. I married the father a few years later and we went on to have 2 beautiful daughters, who are now grown. That was over 45 years ago, and I still feel guilty for ending a life, and I wonder who that little person would have grown to be. I am still ashamed, and have never told another soul what I did.

Rosemary

I was in high school, and I got pregnant. I came from an Italian Catholic background. I was afraid. Because of my fear I had an abortion. To this day I regret it. I suffered many years it's terrible guilt and depression. It took me a long time to realize what I did was not what I wanted to do. I thank God for forgiveness, and I plan to meet my child in heaven because of Jesus Christ my Lord.

Peggy

When I was seventeen I was dating a man and we were planning on getting married. I decided to have sex before marriage, I got pregnant. After I got pregnant I found out he had lied to me about some things. So I decided not to marry him. Told My parents and my dad was so upset he wanted me to have an abortion. I did and I can’t tell you the shame and regret I lived with for years. Than when I was 37 I left my husband and started seeing another man, got pregnant again had another abortion. They don’t tell you how you’re going to feel after the abortion. You are ashamed, you can’t face people well.

Dana

I'm a woman who was prochoice most of my life. I've had 2 abortions both when I was young. It wasn't until I had my 2nd daughter years later that I went online and looked at what a 10 week old fetus looked like. I realized that the clump of cells/my body, my choice lines that had been fed to me as a teenager were lies. I think if more women took the time to really look at the stages of gestation and to understand that a fetus is a child that they may open their eyes. I still have panic attacks over what I did as a young woman. I still wonder what my children would have looked like, I wonder who they would have been. I feel like the culture robbed me of blessings and convinced me that they were burdens. I hate myself for what I did and for the lie I believed. I've since had 3 children and I'm very grateful but, i will never be free of the trauma my "right to choose" caused me. I want to scream from the rooftops to all of the women out there fighting for the right to have unrestricted, unnecessary abortions to wake up. We are women, we are built and created to not only bring life, but to protect it. I think a lot of us women who've had abortions in the past can attest to the regret and pain it causes. It never goes away, it haunts me everyday of my life. If I had to do it over again, I'd have 5 children, not 3.

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Kevin

I was first married at age 23, my wife was 21 and we agreed we wanted children “someday”. I’ve always been pro-life and she was a pro-choice feminist. I knew we were “unequally yoked”, but we were young and in love. After 6 years, she became pregnant and I was overjoyed. She, however, wanted to wait longer to get further in her career. We couldn’t agree on what to do. Then a short time later while I was dropping her off at work, she started complaining about abdominal pain but a he went to her office anyhow. That evening when were were home she told me that she had miscarried and went with a girlfriend to a local clinic. I was heartbroken. A few weeks later a friend told me his wife confided that she actually had an abortion. I couldn’t believe she would do that or it could even be done legally without a husband’s agreement. Wow was I wrong. We tried to work things out and move past it but eventually got divorced. I went through years of deep depression, lost my home and job. Fortunately I’m now married to a good woman. 🙏🏽

Steven

This is the first time I’ve ever told this story to anyone. It’s been over 20 years since we left the clinic where we got an abortion in Shreveport, LA. I think we were both a bit oblivious to what it entailed, but we were fine with it because we already had a baby and didn’t want another one. We were 19 yrs old and on Medicaid and WIC, so we thought having another baby was impossible. We really didn’t see another way. My wife doesn’t really like to talk about it, so we really don’t. It weighs in my mind heavily these days, knowing what we did. I didn’t deal with any of the physical drama, yet it breaks my heart we took away a life; our own flesh and blood. I can’t undo it, and I know that ultimately it was up to her to decide; however, I believe in my heart I could’ve have convinced her otherwise. She needed to feel hope, and I don’t give that to her. I felt just as hopeless. Today, I want to help be a part of the solution and give hope to the women that don’t have it. I feel like this has become a permanent stain on our relationship and our lives. I hope to spare someone else this heartache in the future. Thanks for allowing me a space to share this story.

Janet

It was the late 60's. I was single and became pregnant. I was already a single mother and the thought of having another child had no room in my life. I didn't have a "regular" abortion. My boyfriend knew where to get quinine pills (this was obviously not his first rodeo). I happily agreed. Within a week of taking the pills, I began heavily cramping even though I was no more than seven weeks along. The pills did their job and I retrieved from the toilet a tiny figure with eyes and arms beginning to form. It didn't really bother me at all. It didn't bother me for years. I wasn't a born-again Christian then. I'm 77 years old and it sure bothers me now. I have asked God's forgiveness and I have forgiven myself. I am so looking forward to Jesus putting that baby in my arms when I enter Heaven. My instincts tell me it was a girl and I've named her Hannah. Ladies, abortion is sin. Abortion is murder. If you find yourself pregnant, please trust your holy Creator to get you through it. Whether you keep your child or bless another family with his or her care, God will help you. I promise. ❤️

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Keierra

I was 16 years old a junior in highschool. Dance, movies and poetry were my life! I had aspirations and goals that I hoped to accomplish. I was introduced to sex at an early age through abuse but I did not become active until I was 14. Young I know, but sadly the culture around me allowed it. Fast forward to the summer two years later. It was near my 17 birthday. I was 11 days late. I took a home test and found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend was 19 at the time and not happy about the news. He told me "you have to take care of it." I thought he meant I'd take care of the baby alone but no!!! He meant I was to abort the baby. I went to aunt for help and she too said I should abort. A few of my friends said the same. I wanted to have the baby but gave in to the pressure around me. On July 31 I had the procedure. For many years after that date was a sad one. The anniversary hurt me to my core and still stings. Thankfully I was able to have more children and am blessed to have them. I do wish that adoption was an option I knew of at the time. The emotional pain and trauma was deep but I am healing.

Karla

I was a 19 year old , afraid college student and ran when I found out I was pregnant, and, out of fear, terminated my pregnancy. Some things I don't recall about my abortion, like the day and exact location, but what I will never forget is that I entered a PP building carrying my firstborn and left with empty arms. There's no apple juice or comfy chair that will soothe you after an abortion. They will tell you that you may bleed and cramp, but they will never tell you that you will forever have a child in Heaven because of your decision. They will never use the word baby and mother. They will never be able to heal the hole in your heart from the loss of your child. If you have had an abortion before, please know a loving God awaits to forgive and comfort you. Seek Him in your emptiness. Please know your baby went straight to Heaven and is with Jesus. Please tell others so there will be one less broken hearted Mamas in the world.

Amanda

I had an abortion 27 years ago when I was 15. I was lied to at the abortion clinic and misinformed. I immediately regretted the decision and went into a deep depression. I no longer wanted to live. Thank goodness for the love and grace of God who shortly after I decided to give my life to. If it wasn’t for God I don’t think I could have lived with what I had done. However 27 years later my heart still aches for my baby and what I did. It’s a regret that never goes away. I still remember my due date and imagine what my child would be doing now. It’s a pain I would never wish on anyone.

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Ann

I want to be kept private about it. But when I was 21 years old I had an abortion which was a terrible thing to do. At the time I felt I had no choice cause the nurse at my University made it seem like I had no other option. They did not do sonogram back then or I would not have done it. I could not stay pregnant till full term after my abortion. It was the worst decision I have ever made. I hope this helps some young lady that she has a choice. I asked God for forgiveness but, it is harder to forgive myself. I was in a lot of back pain afterwards.

Donna

It’s been 33 years since my abortion and I remember it like it was yesterday. I sob at the thought of killing my baby to this day. It has wrecked me all these years. If I could go back I would have my baby and keep it. I regret that abortion everyday of my life. I wish someone had talked to me.

Spencer

I paid to abort my child. I have lived with that regret for nearly 40 years. A day does not pass I don’t think about my child! That one selfish act cost me more than I can fully express. Abortion affects men too!

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Becca

I was 17 when I got pregnant. I asked my boyfriend, also 17, to help me figure it out. He didn't want the responsibility of a baby, we had a fight and shortly thereafter I had an abortion. We married 1 year later and at 20yrs. I was pregnant. Again, he wasn't ready. I refused to abort and we had a beautiful baby girl. 2 years later we had marriage problems and separated. I was pregnant, alone, worried and terrified, I couldn't go home, my family wouldn't help and my husband wasn't sure he wanted to be married and definitely did not want another child. I terminated the pregnancy. I have cried many times over these decisions. I found solace at times in what I was told at the clinic, assured by staff "the fetus wasn't a baby yet just a clump of cells" at this point. Doesn't matter what they said I was still haunted by this decision. I have prayed, asking God to forgive me and I pray not another women will make this choose. We Now Know...they Are Babies not clumps of cells and Death was not and is not the answer, Lets identify and target the real problems, with God's help We Can Do This, I Know We Can!

Kristen

I became pregnant my senior year of high school at age 17. I hardly had time to process what was happening before my father was adamant that I would be having an abortion. At first I argued with him but after a while I gave in. I thought even then that abortion was murder but my father assured me that he had spoken to the pastor of our church and it was not. I was extremely confused and scared and also thought I would not have my parents support any longer if I went through with the pregnancy. I became numb and allowed my father to make all the arrangements. Afterwards I tried to block it out of my mind. I went to college and started drinking a lot and became somewhat promiscuous. I thought it was normal since I was in college but then it continued afterwards and I also started to struggle with depression and anxiety. It wasn’t until years later that I finally started to process the abortion and deal with the emotions surrounding it. It was a long road of healing but thankfully we have a patient and loving God that I know has fully forgiven me. The hardest part now is knowing that I would have a 23 year old child and wondering what kind of person they would have been today. I can’t wait to meet them in heaven someday.

Tracy

At the age of about 21 I became pregnant for the first time. I met the father at a nightclub, we briefly dated, and the decided to have sex. I discovered I was pregnant and scared. I remember confiding with my eldest sibling, 1 of 5, he told me that I could not keep the baby, that I would kill my mother with this news. For me at the time, coming from a strict Italian/American upbringing, I was scared, I thought I knew how my mother would react and finally decided to go ahead with the abortion. I remember telling the father about the pregnancy and I remember him coming out and telling me he was o ly 18yrs old, how could this be, I met him in a nightclub, he ended up showing me a fake ID, anyway he gave me a 100.00 winning lotto ticket to use towards the cost. I was so ashamed, confused and mad all at the same time. I never used that ticket, I believe my brother paid. When I woke up after the abortion was done I remember sobbing, saying I didn't want to do it, and the nurse/lady whatever she was said it was done. I remember the pain and bleeding after and it was not something I ever wanted to do again. Fast forward a few years, and I found myself in the same situation, this time I told no one, but a coworker who took me, stayed with me and cared for me afterwards. That was 39 years ago. To this day I have never told any other sibling, I never told my parents, I have carried the shame and guilt for all these years. I finally got married and had a set of twin boys. I feel God gave me another chance and blessed me with the two I had aborted. I still feel shame, regret and guilt, I am against abortion and fund my self as being hypocritical when speaking against it. I have asked God for forgiveness and hope he has forgiven me. But it is still here with me in my heart and mind.

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Blair

17 years ago I was a few weeks out from graduating from college. My then boyfriend ( now husband), and I were in a long distance relationship. While visiting him one weekend, I found out I was pregnant. This could not happen! Now, it’s important to note that I come from an extremely conservative, Christian family. I immediately felt fear, anxiety, panic, and began thinking irrationally and selfishly! My husband would have been fine with keeping the baby, but it wasn’t up for discussion as far as I was concerned only because I was too scared to tell my family. It couldn’t happen. In my mind I needed to get it taken care of and make it go away do I’d never have to think about it again. Well, I was wrong it was t a quick fix! Within 72 hrs of finding out, I was on a cold table preparing for my abortion procedure! I borrowed the $500 from two friends. Planned Parenthood took my money quickly. They never showed me an ultra sound, and never used the term baby! I had to reject the pain medicine due to the fact that I had it done in a Wednesday night and I had to go to church that night, cause if my mom called and asked if I went to church , I couldn’t lie to her! It was the worst physical and emotional pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. From the moment I walked out of there till now (17 years), I’ve experienced Post Abortion Stress Syndrome ( PASS). It’s been a horrible experience! I’ve committed myself to doing everything I can to help women heal, share my story to help save more of the unborn, and to help bring others closer to God, and learn about true repentance.

Susan

Hello my name is Susan. I am in Dallas, Texas. It was 1994. I was in a new relationship we had just into our first apartment in December 1993. Here is the twist, I was 28 when I realized I was pregnant again. I was already a single mom, I had a 4 yr old daughter. That was my shame of being a single mom. I could not let myself have an abortion at that time because my father had just past away in 1989 when I you d myself pregnant in 1990 I knew my dad would be so ashamed of me looking down from Heaven. That is truly the only thing that kept me from having an abortion in 1990. So in 1994 when I was pregnant again, I thought, oh my gosh I can't be the girl with two kids now without a father. I never told my new guy, I never gave him a chance to be in the decision. I made it for both of us. I was too afraid to admit that I was pregnant to him. I assumed he would leave me just like my daughter's father did. I told one friend who I had driven to her abortion a few months back. She took me and it was exactly how you described going in one entrance and be taken out second door , that nobody wants to see. The clinic was in a very fancy part of Dallas, fine shops and dining. I remember thinking all these rich women driving fancy cars and carrying their shopping bags from high end stores and right in the middle of everything I am at an abortion clinic. The big secret that no one talk a about. The shame I felt is still with me I am now 56. I only told my new guy which we have now been together 30 years and did have a daughter in 1997. He was so hurt that I never told I. It has taken many years for him to process that I never told him and stole that decision from him in my shame. My girls are now 32 and 26. The saddest twist to my story is my 32 yr old is now one the biggest pro choice people around. She planned a huge protest through downtown Dallas on October 8 2022 . I always tell her Abby, I was a single mom with you and I choice not to have an abortion. She looks at me and says that was were right and you could have had an abortion if you wanted to. I feel that it is still my punishment for the life of my second baby I aborted. She never wants children and then told me she had an abortion when she was married. My abortion never went away and I think about the life I stole and what they would have been like. Maybe that child would have been exactly what my daughter needed to change her life and her decisions. So at 56 yes I still think about that boy or girl that, I let shame of myself, take their life. I still dream of what could have been.

Rup

I was 22 when I got pregnant for the first time. I was in a long distance relation in a very restricted family. My boy friend come to see me first when I felt sick and take me to the doctor. But within day he changes the behave towards me and try to escape. I didn’t try to hold him. I let my mother know about it and told her I need abortion. Still I was not the person who want to do it. In my country its sin to become pregnable without marriage. People hide the things. My mom also hide it from my dad because if he knows he would kill me or I will be abounded. She was angry but she was with me as I have none. Still remember the day when I went to the hospital. I was not crying, but I was not in my mind. I was person who takes care even the pen which has ended ink. But I have to give up my first child. Why I do that, it was for saving respect of family, saving the inferior society. If my mother cant help me I might have get suicide. After completation of the process I went to home...My aunt get to know from my mother and came to visit me. I cried for the first time... But its never ending process...The month march still give me the chill of thouse hard days...where I go beyond my heart, when I kill the baby... Its 13 years now,I cried for the child even though I have another child now. I saw her in my dreams and I cant think of living a happy life though I have everything. I scared to get the things that I want. Its trauma... In first world country its natural but the country where I am coming from,it needs support. All needs to be teach on sexual behave and also the fact of pros and cons of abortion . I had go on premature birth for the second child and my psychological conditions damaged so abruptly that its can barely fixed. Hope my story will touch heart of the people and make them alert about their loving child.

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Ashley

When I was 19 I was a full time college student. My boyfriend at the time found out we were expecting. My mother did not approve of him and once she found out I was pregnant she told me how stupid I was. She told me I needed to get an abortion and when I responded “mom that’s murder” her exact words were “no it’s not, right now it’s just gooey stuff”. Without hesitation she drive to where my college was picked us up and took me to DC to have an abortion performed. It’s funny, my mother raised me to be independent and taught me I could do anything except be a mother right? After, she drove us back to campus dropped us off and left. No hug, no words of encouragement nothing. Now, married mom of two, it’s something that I always think about. It broke my boyfriends heart at the time, he begged me not to do it. I asked God for forgiveness and it’s something I regret doing because I knew it was wrong. What got me through it was “God is within her she will not fail”

Amanda

My mother took me to a clinic out of state in 1994 so my family would never know. That was 28 years ago and I have never gotten over it and regret it every single day of my life. I wonder who he/she would be now, the life they might have had had it not been for that awful decision. Whatever you do, do not abort your baby. You will find a way to make ends meet, to take care of yourself and your child. There is a way! Abortion is the worst choice you could make. Life is always the right choice, no matter how difficult the circumstances are…circumstances are for a season. Things will get better!

Carmen

When I was sixteen, I met the father of my first child. Everything was going relatively well, and after six months of being together I found out I was pregnant, when I told him about it he was very happy. Neither of us had the idea of having an abortion but we were afraid because we didn't know how our families would react. Back then, I was daddy's little girl and even though my dad didn't live with us, I knew his reaction wouldn't be the best, so we decided not to say anything until the time was right, but the time did not come and the months went by. In one occasion, I started to feel pain in my kidneys and with each passing day the pain was intensifying, until I couldn't walk anymore, I had a high fever and a lot of pain, my brother and his friend took me to the emergency room where the nurse told me that I was pregnant (which I already knew) and that I had an UTI, and since I was a minor she had to speak with my mom directly, I begged her not to do it because I wanted to be the one and I promised her I would do it immediately. The nurse agreed and instructed my brother to tell my mom to make an appointment with the doctor to check if I had kidney stones, and with that information, my brother brought me home and informed my mom. The following week my mom took me to the doctor and I was very nervous because I knew she was about to find out but I didn't know how to tell her, I didn't have the courage. Obviously, after my check-up, the doctor broke the news to my mom. I had never seen my mom in that state of anger, sadness, helplessness and disappointment, all at the same time but despite everything she was the one who supported me the most. Right away, both families found out, and when I was seventeen years and three months old, my son was born. From the time everyone found out and after the birth of my son, what I heard the most was: "so young and already with a son." "How foolish to ruin your life like that." "Up to here came your youth, your studies and your whole life!" "If you had said something in time, you could have aborted." "You better start using protection so you don't keep giving birth." I began to feel resentment and a lot of shame. My father, hurt by all this, wanted me to marry my son's father, but by then I was no longer in love with him; however, I agreed to marry him to avoid disappointing my father even more, after all, I felt that I had let everyone down and that everyone was condemning me. But my marriage did not last more than a year and a half. After my divorce and a while, I got to know someone, with whom I was in a relationship for almost four years. The relationship began to falter between him and me in the last year. I realized that I was pregnant again, it was not something that I was looking for, especially after all that negativity I received in the pregnancy and birth of my first child. When I told my boyfriend about the pregnancy, his immediate reply was: "and how do I know it's mine?"... later that day he apologized to me and told me that he would get me the money for the abortion. I'm not going to deny that his answer hurt me a lot but I agreed anyway. Once he gave me the money I felt alone without knowing where to go, my mom realized my anguish and asked me what was bothering me, and I told her, her answer was "Don't worry, I'll support you in whatever your decision is" . She took me to a doctor who had been recommended to her, because in my country, at that time abortion was only legal in case of rape. I remember that when we arrived at the office, I was nervous, afraid and full of shame. I remember that the doctor laid me down on a stretcher, she anesthetized me "so I wouldn't feel anything" while she was turning my womb into a tomb... but despite being anesthetized, I could feel the invasion in my womb and I heard the agonized cry of a little baby... that cry marked my soul immensely, so much so that I can still hear it today... After everything was done, my mom and I went back home, I was in a state of lethargy, so it was difficult to pretend that nothing had happened because at that moment I did not feel anything, nor do I remember returning home, but once there, I went straight to my room to rest. I heard all my siblings asking my mom what had happened to me, and my mom, without wanting to give much information, just said "she is sick". I felt embarrassed, I felt trashy and I tried to pretend it was not a big deal; since, the narrative is "at that age it's not a baby, it's not even formed, they don't feel anything, it's just a cluster of cells, you are not the first nor will you be the last". That same night I received a call from my baby's father and he asked me if he was free from "that package", with pain I said yes and after that we never saw each other again. The following week I tried to resume my life as if nothing had happened, but conscience weighs more than five plus tons, and the feeling that everyone somehow Knew was killing me... I started drinking and drinking to the point of not even knowing my name... among my vague memories I am certain that I was sexually abused during that period... One time, I don't know how I got home, but I remember crying desperately, lying on the living room floor, lying at my mother's feet while my siblings witnessed everything, I was asking God and my mom to forgive me for having murdered my baby... The next day, I felt even worse, so I decided to stop drinking. I knew I was going in the wrong way. The following year, I left my country and came to the United States. Here I tried to have a different life but I only went from one relationship to another, I felt used most of the time, and NO, IT IS NOT TRUE THAT BEIGN SEXUALLY ACTIVE LIBERATES YOU OR EMPOWERS YOU... THE VOID IS IMMENSE AND DEPRESSING. Nothing made me happy, and the little happiness I had was fleeting. Time has passed and now I'm married, my husband and I have conceived three boys and we are expecting a new baby, this will be my seventh pregnancy. I must say that I had a miscarriage before the penultimate of my children... One day, at the end of the first trimester of my pregnancy I began to feel small pangs and an urge to go to the bathroom, when I sat on the toilet the blood started to sprout, I realized that a small bag fell into the water... I picked it up and I saw this little tiny baby, my baby... I saw him move as if he was taking his last breath... suddenly and abruptly that agonizing cry I heard during my abortion echoed in my head and broke my soul, I screamed as if my life had ended and the feeling of guilt invaded me completely, this time I could not pretend. A year ago, I decided to go back to church and confess all my sins, among them having taken my baby's life... I know that God has forgiven me, but I still need to apologize to my baby and give him a proper name and a symbolic burial, honoring his memory... I'm still struggling, but I trust God. I have heard several times that we carry our babies in our wombs for only nine months but we carry abortion for the rest of our lives and it becomes heavier when we do not recognize it and admit it. That is true. A sign of love is to give the baby up for adoption if you feel that you are not ready, it is better to carry the satisfaction of having given life to a defenseless being than to carry the guilt and shame for life. It is painful. Thousands and thousands of women throughout history have managed to get ahead with their children, let's not continue swallowing the narrative that a child is a stone in our path but the force that drives every brave mother. Let's not forget the best example of dedication and commitment that the Virgin Mary gave us, who without hesitation hugged in her womb The One who gave His life for humanity. Son of God born in a manger, Redeemer of the world. You are not alone and I #CantStaySilent any more. God's Blessings in the Home Psalm 127 3. Behold sons are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. 4. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons of one's youth. 5. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them! He shall not put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

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Mara

If only I knew I wish someone had told me... “It’s not a problem. You can do this. We will help you.” “It’s not a blob of tissue. See his little face. Look at his little hands and feet, his tiny fingers and toes. Hear his heartbeat.” “I understand you’re single and scared and regret the relationship, but your baby is not a mistake. He is a gift from God created especially for you. It may not feel like it now, but you will feel differently when you’re holding him in your arms.” “It won’t be easy telling your family. Being a single mom and taking care of a baby won't be easy either, but God will help you, and so will we. The blessing of your baby will far outweigh the challenges of being a single parent.” I wish someone had told me these things. But no one did. What Planned Parenthood told me... “We can take care of your problem,” they said. I was 21 years old and eleven weeks pregnant. Afraid and alone. Easily deceived by the lie that it was just a problem to be solved and that after they removed it, I would be able to move on with my life. They offered nothing more. No help. No options. They left me ignorant and eager to get it over with. I had an abortion. The worst decision I ever made. It didn’t solve anything.It only compounded my heartache and scarred me for life. If only I had known. If only someone had told me what abortion was. If only abortion weren’t legal. If only I had seen his little face and his tiny hands and feet. I would have chosen his life over mine. Abortion didn’t solve my problem because I was the problem. The festering wound of abortion entrenched me even more into the same destructive behaviors that landed me in the abortion clinic. For years I suffered its devastating effects. What I’ve learned A few years after my abortion, I heard the gospel and I realized that Jesus was the love I had been searching for my whole life. I repented and surrendered to Christ, and my life radically changed. But there was a deep wound that still needed healing. I went to a women’s gathering at church and heard Lee Ezell’s story of being raped. She got pregnant and chose adoption for her baby instead of abortion. Twenty years later, her daughter found her to thank her for giving her life.They became close, wrote a book called ‘The Missing Piece,’ and traveled the country sharing their pro-life story. Lee’s daughter says, “I know I was conceived through rape, but God created me and loves me, and I’m so thankful that my mom didn't give me the death penalty for my father’s sin.” My heart sank. I felt sick. I realized for the first time the magnitude of what I had done, and a crushing weight of conviction overcame me. I burst into tears. I wasn’t raped, but I chose abortion. Adoption never entered my mind. My heart broke into a million pieces. I wailed to God, begging for His forgiveness and mercy, which He had already given when I gave my life to Christ. Lee’s story unlocked the prison of denial and shame I had been living in and set me on a path of healing and freedom in Christ, greater than I felt when I was first saved. It’s been a long journey, but by God’s grace, I have been healed and set free from the guilt and shame of my abortion. The most transformative part of my healing came when I went through an abortion healing retreat called Deeper Still. I not only repented for ending my child's life, but I was also able to mourn the loss of my child. Jesus assured me that I was completely forgiven, that my child was safe with Him, and I will see them both one day. I still have regret. It never leaves me. Of all the aches, pains, and sins that Jesus has taken away, that tightness in the back of my throat... when I remember what I did... what I lost, remains. But one day, Jesus will take that away too because, in heaven, all things are made new. The truth will set you free If you’re still on the fence about abortion, let me tell you what happened to my baby. This is very painful for me to say. It will be difficult for you to hear and especially difficult to see, even in your mind's eye, but you must know the truth to make an informed decision. CAUTION this description is graphic. I was 11 weeks pregnant. At that stage, the doctor had to forcibly dilate my cervix to insert instruments that would kill my baby. Forceps were used to grab my baby’s arms and legs and pull them off one at a time. After my baby’s limbs were removed, the doctor went back in to crush his body and skull. Then used a vacuum tube to suck out his head, body parts, and placenta. A sharp tool was then inserted to scrape out any remaining pieces of my baby’s body.Then the doctor had to rebuild his tiny little body in a dish to ensure nothing was left inside me that would cause infection. After that, my baby, Joshua, was thrown out as waste. Are you sick to your stomach, as I am? I didn’t know that’s what happened to my baby at the time of my abortion. By God’s grace and mercy, I have no memory of the procedure. I only learned later, and I'm still sickened, by my ignorance that allowed this heinous murder to happen to my child. I live with a gaping wound of this awareness, which won’t heal until I’m in heaven. The barbaric practice of abortion has been performed on more than seventy million children since Roe v. Wade declared it legal in 1973. It has become acceptable and normal in our society to kill babies in the womb under the guise of health care, women’s rights, and choice. Now that Roe was overturned, babies' and their mothers’ lives are being saved. But we still have a battle on our hands. Many still want abortion on demand because babies in the womb are not deemed persons with the same rights of protection as you and me. Those who believe abortion is an acceptable option don’t seem to understand that it is a grave offense to God. Abortion kills someone who bears God’s image, and it causes significant emotional and spiritual trauma to the mom and dad. But the damage doesn’t stop there. Because of abortion, the world is missing millions of sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, and grandchildren. The rippling effects of abortion never end. Abortion is not health care, nor is it a right. Just as we don’t have the right to kill a person outside the womb, we don’t have the right to kill someone inside the womb. Some say that pro-life people only care about the baby, not the mom. But the operation of hundreds of pregnancy support centers across the country demonstrates that’s not true.We love them both, and we help both. I pray that God is speaking to your heart and that my story is helping you see that His image bearer in the womb is someone worth fighting for. My ministry Your ministry is found where you’ve been broken. Your testimony is found where you’ve been restored. Author unknown I want to help women not make the deadly choice I made. And if they have, I want to help them heal. So, I co-founded a ministry to help post-abortive women be restored to abundant life in Christ, and help fearful mothers choose life for their babies and abundant life for themselves. I know you’re there. God knows you're there. Aching to be heard and seen, longing to be whole and free.I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s possible, and there are many like me here to help you begin your healing journey. I also want to help Christians who are privately pro-life but publicly and politically neutral. Those who say, “I would never do it, but I won’t judge or interfere with those who do.” They’re either afraid or don’t realize how contrary their position is to the Bible.As Christians, we are called to be like Christ, the most pro-life person ever. The Bible teaches us how God feels about His prized creation, us! And how, He expects us to live. Here are just a few passages to consider: Exodus 20:13, “you shall not murder.” Deuteronomy 30:19-20 “I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you today that I have set before you, life and death,blessing and cursing.Therefore, choose life so that you and your descendants may live and that you may love the LORD your God, obey Him, and hold fast to Him. For He is your life, and He will prolong your life in the land that the LORD swore to give to your fathers….” Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb, I knewyou; before you were born,I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Psalm 139:13-18 “I created your inmost being, I knit you togetherin your mother’s womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made; your frame was not hidden from Me when I made you in the secret place and wove you togetherin the depths of the earth. My eyes saw your unformed body, and all the days ordained for you were written in My book before one of them came to be. My thoughts toward you are precious. How vast is the sum of them! Were you to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when you awake,I am still with you.” (paraphrased) When you read those words, doesn’t your heart swell with gratitude and amazement over how much God values you? How does this truth affect you? How will this influence your future decisions and conversations? How will you respond to those who are pro-abortion? How will you help a woman in a crisis pregnancy? How will you treat a postabortive woman? How will you vote? It’s not enough for me to say, “I’m pro-life,” and do nothing. As a follower of Jesus, I must be pro-life. Another way of saying this is, life-giving, in every word and deed. I should try to reach the lost, just like Jesus did for me. My mission “Rescue those being led away to death and hold back those staggering toward slaughter. If you say, 'Behold, we did not know this,' does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” (Proverbs 24:11-12) “…open the eyes that are blind, bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness.” (Isaiah 42:7) I know that verse speaks of Jesus, who rescued us, opened our blind eyes, and released us from the prison of sin and death, but He asks us to follow Him and do what He did, so that’s my mission. Another passage that guides me is Proverbs 6:16-19: "There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: Haughty eyes, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked schemes, Feet that are quick to rush into evil, A false witnesswho pours out lies, And a person who stirs up conflict in the community.” I have been guilty of each of these offenses. By God’s grace, I have changed. I don’t want to be associated with anything God hates anymore. And I’m sure you don’t either. I want to be part of God’s rescue plan. An invitation How about you? Will you join me? Will you rescue those being led away to death and hold back those staggering toward slaughter? “Greater love has no one than this that someone lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13) “As you did it to one of the least of these, my brothers, you did it to Me.” (Matthew 25:40) “Let the little children come to Me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 19:14) If we genuinely want to follow Jesus as He calls us to. If we love God and love our neighbor, we must speak up for and defend our most vulnerable neighbor, the pre-born child. We can do this by educating people, electing leaders who value life at every stage of development, and helping the mom in a crisis pregnancy. One is not more valuable than the other. Both mom and child matter. Both need to be protected. Both need to be loved. If only I had known. Now that you know, what will you do? "I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?' Then I said, 'Here I am! Send me.'” (Isaiah 6:8) Mara Petro Abundant Life Women’s Ministries Offering women hope, help, and healing in Jesus Christ https://www.abundantlifewomensministries.com

Taylor

I was in a committed relationship with a guy for a little over two years when I suddenly got pregnant. I was scared and excited when the doctor told me that news. (At the time) my boyfriend and I were living long distance (due to where he was stationed) but it was close enough so that we could see each other every other weekend. I called my boyfriend to share the news. The first thing he said was “don’t worry, we’ll take care of it.” My heart sunk as I hung up the phone. I knew what he was implying. I also knew that I never once considered that as an option— because it wasn’t. After I got off work, I called him up again to tell him what I wanted to do (keep the baby). And he started screaming at me. He told me that I couldn’t even take care of myself and I would not be able to take care of a child. He told me he would not be in mine or the child’s life if I had the baby. He was so mad, he even started accusing me of cheating on him. (Which I never did.) I tried pleading with him, telling him how I felt and what I wanted. He did not care. These same arguments went on every day for one, maybe two weeks. I made an appointment to go to planned parenthood to talk about my options, or at least that’s what I thought. Before I could even say that I was undecided, the nurse (?) asked how far along I was and proceeded to tell me I needed to schedule the abortion sooner than later. I left the appointment feeling unheard and alone. Later that day, my boyfriend called to have the same argument we’d had 100x before. But I was tired. I felt like I had no option. I gave up. I gave in. So my boyfriend started looking up places that offered military discount. The closest place was about an hour away and in a different state. When I called to schedule, the soonest appointment was two weeks out. He came up to visit me the weekend before the abortion, but didn’t stay for the actual day because he “had plans with his friends.” That Tuesday morning, I drove to the clinic. The nurses (?) there could tell I was not happy about the decision. They asked me several times if I truly wanted to go through with it. I don’t remember saying anything, just nodding my head. Suddenly, it was all over. My unborn child was gone. The lead me to a room where several other women had just undergone the same thing as I. I didn’t feel empowered. It didn’t feel like “my body, my choice.” I just felt broken. It’s been almost 6 years since the abortion. And although I have found peace through Jesus Christ, there are many many days that I still think of the the life that I took.

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